Cat Heaven
A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, "You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask."
The cats says, "Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors."
God says, "Say no more." And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat. The mice said, "All our lives we've had to run. Cats, dogs and even women with brooms have chased us. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore."
God says, "Say no more." And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.
About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks, "How are you doing? Are you happy here?"
The cat yawns and stretches and says, "Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!"
The cats says, "Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors."
God says, "Say no more." And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat. The mice said, "All our lives we've had to run. Cats, dogs and even women with brooms have chased us. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore."
God says, "Say no more." And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.
About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks, "How are you doing? Are you happy here?"
The cat yawns and stretches and says, "Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!"
The Lucky Saucer
In front of the local butcher's, an art connoisseur noticed a mangy little kitten lapping up milk from a saucer. The saucer, he realized with a start, was a rare and precious piece of pottery. It was, in fact, a collector's item.
He strolled into the store and offered two pounds for the cat. 'He's not for sale', said the butcher.Cat and Mouse picture
'Look', said the collector', that cat is dirty and scabby, but I'm an eccentric. I prefer cats that way. I'll raise my offer to ten pounds'. 'It's a deal', said the proprietor, and pocketed the ten immediately.
'For that amount of money I'm sure you won't mind throwing in the saucer', said the connoisseur', 'The kitten seems so happy drinking from it.'
'I can't do that', said the butcher firmly, 'That's my lucky saucer. From that saucer, so far this week, I've sold 18 cats.'
He strolled into the store and offered two pounds for the cat. 'He's not for sale', said the butcher.Cat and Mouse picture
'Look', said the collector', that cat is dirty and scabby, but I'm an eccentric. I prefer cats that way. I'll raise my offer to ten pounds'. 'It's a deal', said the proprietor, and pocketed the ten immediately.
'For that amount of money I'm sure you won't mind throwing in the saucer', said the connoisseur', 'The kitten seems so happy drinking from it.'
'I can't do that', said the butcher firmly, 'That's my lucky saucer. From that saucer, so far this week, I've sold 18 cats.'
Just Some Funny Quotes
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshiped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this. - Anon
There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats. - Anon
Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God. - Anon
As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat. - Ellen Perry Berkeley
People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life. - Faith Resnick
In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats. - an English proverb
I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. - Hippolyte Taine
Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia." - Joseph Wood Krutch
There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats. - Albert Schweitzer
There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats. - Anon
Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God. - Anon
As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat. - Ellen Perry Berkeley
People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life. - Faith Resnick
In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats. - an English proverb
I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. - Hippolyte Taine
Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia." - Joseph Wood Krutch
There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats. - Albert Schweitzer
Cats and Teenagers
For all of you with teenagers or who have had teenagers, or are a teenager, you may want to know why they really have a lot in common with cats: - Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name. - No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot. - You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents. - Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno, neither your cat nor your teen will ever crack a smile. - No cat or teenager shares you taste in music. - Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing. - Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry on as if they did. - Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner, communicating that ultimate human ecstasy -- a sense of complete and utter boredom. - Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone's furniture. - Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have been known to return in the middle of the night to deposit a dead animal in your bedroom. Teenagers are not above that sort of behavior. Thus, if you must raise teenagers, the best sources of advice are not other parents, but veterinarians. It is also a good idea to keep a guidebook on cats at hand at all times. And remember, above all else, put out the food and do not make any sudden moves in their direction. When they make up their minds, they will finally come to you for some affection and comfort, and it will be a triumphant moment for all concerned.
(JesseNeo.com)
(JesseNeo.com)
Dogs versus Cats
A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!